It was a cold, wet, dreary autumn afternoon, and the three Fates, rulers of men’s destinies – let’s call them Snap, Crackle and Pop – were bored. Earlier, they’d tricked some angels into trying to dance on the head of a pin, it being one of the modern rounded ones so they kept flying off, but it was some hours now since the angels had left in disgust.
“Hey, I’ve got an idea,” Snap said suddenly. “Why don’t we tribulate that Reid chap some more?”
Pop frowned. “Reid, Reid… Didn’t we give him boils and kill all his goats?”
“No, that was Job.”
“Oh yes, the one James Bond electrocuted in Fort Knox.”
Waves breaking over the lighthouse
Crackle sighed. “No, that was Oddjob. This one’s the knitting feller. Why, the last few years alone we’ve given him macular degeneration, a sinus infection, a chest infection and an elbow infection.”
“And don’t,” Snap added, “forget the three cancer scares.”
“Three?” Pop asked.
“Yeah, you remember: vocal cords, lymph nodes and thyroid. Remember when they tried to do that biopsy via the throat and we nudged the doctor’s elbow and triggered that epileptic fit?”
“Oh yeah. Man, that was funny. I was eating breakfast, I laughed so hard I had cornflakes coming out my nose. The last time I saw projectile vomiting like that was an anniversary screening of The Exorcist.”
“Here, hand me that medical dictionary,” Snap said. “There must be something fun we haven’t given him yet. Let’s see, A, A… anthrax, hmm, maybe not.” He looked up. “What about amnesia?”
Pop shook his head. “No point. The guy already can’t remember what day of the week it is, give him amnesia he’s not even gonna notice.”
High seas at South Head
“Got it!” Snap cried. “Anaemia! He hasn’t had that yet.”
Crackle leaned forward and, in a burst of nominative determinism, loudly cracked his knuckles. “Well, he has now…”
All of which rather explains why I shall be visiting Inverness hospital this week for a battery of tests. For it turns out that yes, I do indeed have anaemia, so much so that the doctor who gave me the news advised me to avoid unnecessary exercise like walking or driving until I can see the consultant on Tuesday. On the plus side, at least it explains why I’ve been so tired and run down lately. Hopefully it’s an easy fix, but first they have to try to pin down what’s causing it, and why it’s come on so suddenly. In the meantime, I’m counting my blessings. After all, I suppose, at least it’s not anthrax…
Happy Halloween!
Hope unnecessary exercise doesn’t include knitting!
Take care.
I think the medical community likes using you for target practice.
“Oh good, let’s see what we can think up this week. We haven’t tried African swine fever yet.”
Seriously, hope everything goes well.
Lois
As long as they don’t give you acute angina you’ll be fine.
Oh, damn.
I hope it’s just a dietary adjustment.
The gansey is looking good.